Good in Bed? Our Guide To Banishing Performance Anxiety

Guides ● January 2019

In 30 Seconds

  • “Having a new partner may trigger temporary or permanent erectile dysfunction (ED) because of performance anxiety to satisfy him or her,” explains Dr Earim Chaudry
  • Work, relationships, family and financial issues could trigger ED or performance anxiety with a new partner, if they’re making you anxious or stressed. Talk it through with someone you trust.
  • We all have busy lives. But don’t let that affect your yes yes yesss. Try managing your anxiety with tools including meditation, counseling and therapy – as well as living a healthier lifestyle.
  • Talk it out. Tell your new partner what’s happening in your head and how you’re feeling. Being open with our feelings is key to a healthy sex life.

Is tonight the night? Sex with a new partner is a mixed bag of emotions, from curiosity and excitement to the inevitable nerves. But what if, like many of us, your performance isn’t up to its usual award-winning standards when you hit the sack with someone new? Totally normal. Also normal to worry. But no need.

Here’s our guide to why you might be feeling somewhat limp from anxiety. And how to get your head back in the game. So whenever you get lucky, so does your partner! Things are looking up.

But what if, like many of us, your performance isn’t up to its usual award-winning standards when you hit the sack with someone new? Totally normal. Also normal to worry. But no need.

Why We Get the Pre-Sex Nerves With a New Partner

It’s happened to all of us. One minute we have an Olympian-level erection. The next? Not so much.

“Having a new partner may trigger temporary or permanent erectile dysfunction (ED) because of performance anxiety to satisfy him or her,” explains Dr Earim Chaudry. It’s usually nothing to worry about and can be overcome.

Here’s some reasons why you may be getting the pre-performance nerves:

  • Negative thoughts.1 This could be from your daily life, such as too much stress. Or it could be about past sexual experiences. Either way, remember these thoughts are just in your head and focus on being present in the moment. Whether it’s sex that’s happening or simply a chat with your partner about their day.
  • Feeling the pressure? The pressure to satisfy a new partner can make all of us feel insecure. Annoyingly, this can sometimes result in an inability to get or maintain an erection.2
  • Physical appearance. How you feel about how you look may play a role in performance anxiety, according to Healthline.
  • Work, relationships, family and financial issues could trigger ED if they’re making you anxious. Life, basically. It happens to the best men. Don’t let stress overwhelm you – and know when you need to talk things through.3
The pressure to satisfy a new partner can make all of us feel insecure. Annoyingly, this can sometime result in an inability to get or maintain an erection.

The Answers

The good news? Here’s some easy ways to get back in the game:

  • Stress less. Banish negative thoughts by clearing your head ( even something simple like taking a shower can sometimes help) and creating some stress-busting tactics, according to Psychology Today.
  • Take your time. More foreplay and less rushing will help. Focus on pleasuring your partner rather than worrying about your erection.4
  • We all have busy lives. But don’t let that affect your sex. Try managing your anxiety with tools including meditation, counselling and therapy – as well as living a healthier lifestyle.5
  • Let’s talk about sex, man. Talk it out. Tell your new partner what’s happening in your head and how you’re feeling. Being open with our feelings is key to a healthy sex life.
  • Talk to your doctor. And consider therapy. There’s evidence to show guided image therapy may help. Talking it out with a professional – and someone who’s not your new partner  – might be the best thing you’ve ever done.6

Result. Addressing any (completely normal and natural) anxiety you may have is key. Now get set for some of the best sex of your life.

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